Yesterday my daughter went for a vacation to Bali, Indonesia.
She asked me to take care of her little hamster: Benicio, so since Saturday I have a tiny guest.
Sunday she called me and said she misses the little guy already so I decided to make her a little hamster to take with her to Bali.
Last Monday I gave it to her wrapped and in a nice gift box and told her not to open it until she arrives.
Last night my neighbour asked me if I want to help collecting fallen apples from a city-garden behind my house and I told her I'm sorry but I want to stay with the phone in case my daughter calls.
This neighbour woman is the spitting image of Hyacinth, U.K. readers must know her from a show called "keeping up appearances", if she walks trough he neighbourhood you hear people shut their doors and close the curtains.
Well, she asked me why I want to stay with the phone and so I told her, my daughter is going to the other side of the world and we were both a bit nervous.( I thought of it's perfectly normal to feel that)
"Aaaah," she said " why is that? I raised my daughter to be self-confident and secure and she backpacked through the United States without me feeling a bit worried, you have to let your children go" and off she went sticking her nose in the air.
Don't get me wrong, I can get along with her just fine and she often makes me laugh but when she took off I felt a sudden sadness.
I raise(d) my children to feel secure and with self-confidence, so why did I feel like an over-protecting Mom?
I never was like that, when my daughter left the nest and moved into her own apartment I was happy for her to start her own independent life.
I realized it was since my husband died suddenly 6 years ago, the world collapsed , no security, no certainty everything can change in a minute.
Since then there is always a tiny little voice in the back of my head lurking ; you never think of such a thing to happen to you, other people die but not your husband who appeared to be healthy and who was just 45.
That little voice isn't there all the time and I go through life rather jolly and positive.
But sometimes this ice-cold hand grabs my heart and if someone points you to , what seemed to my neighbours opinion, irrational behaviour, it all gets to the surface.
Well, I had a good night of sleep and thought of how often people are judgemental but also accepting my sometimes irrational fear , I know where it comes from and I can look at it in a rational way.
I'm sure my daughter has a wonderful time in Bali and when she sees the little hamster she goes wild!