Thursday, February 14, 2013

Apologies and confessions......

First, I have to apologize to all of my readers.
I can imagine you may have questions about my absence and I will explain it .

Well, I've written months ago about the pain in my hip and eventually I did go to the Doctor.
He send me to a physiotherapist, but after 2 months, no improvement, the physiotherapist send me back to the Doc.
I also had a sore breast and well, the Doc put one and one together and send me to hospital for X rays.
After a long day of being send to several hospital departments the Doctor diagnosed me with breast and bone cancer.
He told me there was no cure, not operable, just suppressing the cancer with Chemo.
I said thanks but no thanks to the Doc and went home. 
We ( my family) cried for some days and I began to think of a approach to cure this myself.
I am convinced practically all diseases have their origins in the mind. I know this may sound very harsh to people who are ill but I can't help thinking this and I am like that for all of my life.
I can even tell when this cancer-thing started.
I know I had to do some serious " soul-searching " and...the me that I am...didn't want anybody to know about my illness. When I am ill I'm like an animal, I want to isolate myself until it's gone.
Well, I know now that wasn't the way to handle this, I mean cancer is a serious illness and it involves pain and you can't hide it from your loved ones. I had to let them help me.
One after another came with alternative medicines like exotic fruit and baking soda, and for their sake I swallowed all kind of stuff but I am still convinced I have to do this with my mind, but I understood their concern and especially their fear.
They stand behind my choice nevertheless .
Luckily I have this wonderful man who I can talk to and we cleaned a lot of my garbage together.
And ! Very important ! We are positive ! I don't see this cancer as an evil-doer,malignant,  it's an alarm from my body.
At the moment I feel great, I still  have to walk with crutches but it's getting better and better.
The past months I had sore ribs, the pain travelled from one side from my body to another and I don't know if that's from the crutches or the cancer but I don't want to know.
 I don't want to know any of the symptoms related to this type of cancer.
Because of this painful ribs I couldn't needle felt, sneeze, do the vacuum cleaning :-) but since last week the ribs feel normal again.
In the meanwhile I've told some good friends about it and I could never think of the positive supportive reactions I got ! 
I was afraid that they would try to convince me to take Chemo and would think I'm crazy.
Since I've told my friends, I feel relieved.
I had a hard time feeling a hypocrite when they asked me what was going on and I made excuses.
They are real treasures, these friends.
Another thing I've learned is when you let people get close (  AND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ! I AM A PERSON WHO BELIEVES WE ARE ALL CONNECTED !!! ) you can really physically feel their love !!! although they are on the other side of the world !!
For now, I take one day at the time, live in the here and now, have faith in the ability of my body's self-healing and appreciate and immensely enjoy friendship and the love of my family !

Helen XXX  






103 comments:

  1. Helen, mir kommen die Tränen vor Freude und Erleichterung.
    Schön, dass du solche Freunde hast und es dir wieder besser geht.
    Ich drück dich ganz doll.
    Ich weiß du schaffst das!!!!!!!!!!!

    Aller liebste Grüße Jessi

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    1. Jessi,Du weißt wie dankbar ich bin? Deine Hilfe und Guten Wörter sind sehr wichtig für mich <3

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    2. Ich habe alles von Herzen gerne für dich getan!!!!!!

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  2. Lieve Helen, ik ben geraakt door je bericht, dat kan niet anders. Ik stuur je heel veel liefs, en ik vind je een geweldig mens, een prachtige vrouw. XXX

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  3. I have no word dear Helen xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  4. I'm behind you 110% Heal with your mind, body and soul. Laugh, Live and Love. Create, that is how you were ment to speak and share what is in your soul. We are here for you!
    Hugs and kisses dear Helen,
    Morena

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    1. Thank you so much Morena, I appreciate your words very much !

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  5. I'm a new follower and this post is quite intense. I'm so sorry for your illness but I'm very proud of your bravery and strength. I have health issues too and would also choose not to have chemo, to let things take it's course and see what happens. It's certainly a personal choice. My prayers go out to you and your loved ones as you take this journey. As an artist, I know you already find joy in the most simple things and this illness will only enhance those inspirations and experiences. God bless!

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    1. It's so good and hopeful to read those lovely words, I thank you from the bottom of my soul Jeanie XXX

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  6. Sending you much love, Helen. Stay positive, lovely lady.

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  7. Liebe Helen, ich wünsche dir alles Liebe und viel Stärke! Du wirst es schaffen. Es ist sehr schön, dass du gute und richtige Freunde hast!
    Alles Liebe, Conni

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  8. Helen, your courage is a true inspiration. Do what you know in your heart is right, even if others do not agree. Each day has its own blessings, sometimes it is just hard to find them. You are in my prayers always.

    In loving friendship,

    Beth

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  9. Helen, I am crying as I read this. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I also believe that sickness does start in our mind for some reason or another. My father died of melanoma when he was very young. From the time I was young I obsessed over this, and was afraid that I would get it too. Guess what, I did, and when I told the doctors that I know I did it to myself they dismissed me. I know I did.

    The body is a remarkable machine, and it is guided by the mind. If you feel that this is how you need to become well, follow your instincts. My thoughts and positive energy are with you.

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    1. Joanne, I am glad you understand and I'm sorry you had to go through it yourself, we will overcome this I'm sure !
      XXX

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    2. Hi Helen...I happened upon your charming little creatures just recently and I just opened up your post regarding your cancer. I will be keeping your situation in my prayers. I commend you for your decision to forego chemo. It is a toxic poison. There are many good resources online to show how to combat cancer naturally and I am sure you have probably seen just about everything. My mom is in the hospital right now and I have been staying with her. We have been here a week and her cardiologist told us that all medicines are poison. I was shocked that he acknowleged it was true. Let your food be your medicine....fresh fruits...vegetables...nuts....grains...all of which I am sure you are aware of. God bless you in this fight against cancer!!

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  10. Helen, thank you for sharing this. I've never met you but I feel like I know you. I've followed your blog for a long time and as you know admire your work so much. I cherish all the little creatures you have made, you are so talented. Please keep us updated, I will keep you in my prayers.

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    1. Susan, thank you for those lovely words. I will keep you updated of course !
      Hugs,
      Helen XXX

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  11. Wat vreselijk voor je Helen.
    Ik vind het heel stoer dat je je eigen weg zoekt om het gevecht met deze ziekte aan te gaan. Ik wens jou en je familie veel sterkte en heel veel positieve kracht. Free your mind and the rest will follow!

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    1. Dorien, dank je wel! Die laatste zin vind ik prachtig ( het liedje zit nu lekker in mijn hoofd :-)

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  12. Helen, I'm new to your blog...saw the link from Nancy van den Boom (my favorite artist!)...I am three years out from pancreatic cancer diagnosis and surgery. You are the first person I have seen that feels the way I do! That the cancer is a wake up call to figure out your life and let go of what is harming you. I, too, have had my share of baking soda! :) But I am really trying to let my mind free of worries and fretting and stagnating in the past. I will keep you in my thoughts!
    Cait

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    1. Hello Cait! Thank you for your words ! Cait, I believe so deeply in the letting go of the past. I wake up in the morning thinking I am a new person with faith in the universe who is nothing but willing to give good. A lot of us dare not expect good things once you let go but I think the hole world would be extinct if that was truly the case. The intention of this universe is intrinsic good and we just hold it back by meddling and worrying.
      Helen XXX

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  13. Dear Helen!
    You are a strong woman with fine courage.
    Being Positive in mind is the most important thing in life and you prove it, and we all should live our lives like you do: take one day at the time!
    Love and Hugs ♥

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    1. I am so thankful for your words Kikka !

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  14. Hi Helen,

    My sister Maritza sent me a link here. I'm sorry you got your "invitation" to the cancer club. It's an awful thing but, for the most part, it isn't a death sentence. I'm not sure where you are in the world, but I do strongly suggest that you join a support group. I've been going to one with fellow survivors and I regret not finding one sooner. It's nice to talk about what's going on in your heart, head and body with other people who are in a similar place.

    My other suggestion, since you're also a creative type, is to keep on making art. It's what helped me stay sane most days and feel semi human other days.

    Good luck!
    Vanessa

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    1. Hi Vanessa ! How kind of you to take the time to write me here !
      Vanessa, I am a sort of rebellious about all kind of synthetic drugs or chemo, radiation etc. I have contact with a woman who survived doing it her way without regular medicine.
      I am glad you survived ! And I will continue to make my art :-)
      Give my love to your sister Maritza and you've got hugs from me.
      Helen

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    2. Your Sister just send me the link to your Blog and I'm going to read it later on :-) Seems you are some awesome lady !

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  15. Hi Helen

    My mother and my best friend both have cancer and they survived, my friend called Cancer Centers of America and got a lot of help for her skin cancer. ...I know you will win this.. you are in my thoughts and prayers

    Love and Hugs
    Marisa

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    1. Thank you so much Marisa ! Hugs from me :-)

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  16. Thank you for sharing. I know that was difficult but know that you are loved and being held up in prayer. Yes, we are all connected.
    xoxo~kimber

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  17. Helen,
    I admire your courage and strength to listen to your body. A fan from Minnesota, USA sends you prayers and love of healing. I pray your mind, body and breath will be united in fighting the cancer and uncovering in your mind what needs to be brought to your attention. I pray the right people will show up to guide you through this in a holistic way.

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    1. Sue, I have no words. I never thought writing about this could have helped me this much.
      We are "strangers" but I can feel your heartfelt sympathy, thank you so much Sue.
      Helen XXX

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  18. Dear Helen,
    i missed hearing from you and now really wish you stay positive with the cure, sometimes there are solutions to tackle different problems, for example natural therapy and chinese herbal medicine in our country or even new development in medicine...
    Hope you can find the best one to make you feel better.

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    1. Thank you Susana, I will stay positive,you all help me al lot !!

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  19. Big hugs, Helen! It is so good to hear from you. I knew by your previous post that you weren't feeling well. I'm sending you lots of love and a big hug from far away. I also believe there is power in being positive and that we are all connected. Blessings to you on your healing journey. xo Jennifer

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  20. Sending you my support, love and positive thoughts. I am so glad you have your family around you. Blessings to you. Charlotte. xxx

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  21. Oh Helen, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I agree with your belief in the ability of the mind to cure. I am a breast cancer survivor and also battle Multiple Sclerosis and I know firsthand the mind plays a very vital role in keeping diseases at bay. I also believe that we are all made up of one third mind, one third body and one third spirit (our own trinity within) and I would like to encourage to nurture your spiritual side, as well as your mind. My prayers are with you, sweet lady. Great big hugs & LOTS of blessings, Janice

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    1. Thank you Janice,big big hugs to you too !
      Helen XXX

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  22. Helen , take care.
    I can't know what to think about your decisions, these are yours, but I can relate to this.I know how strong we are inside.
    And also,that you will know if, you have to change your mind or even when...It takes as much courage,and freedom,
    and you can do it too.
    My thoughts and prayers with you.
    Big big hug.
    Laurence

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  23. Dear Helen, I was so sad reading this post, but I admire your strength and positivity so much. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out and although I am not the praying type, I will keep you in my thoughts and I am sending my love and support to you. Take care My Friend. Love and hugs from Scotland. Xxx

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    1. Aaaw Sharon my dear, thank you for those lovely words !
      Helen XXX

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  24. Helen, Вы мужественный, сильный человек!!!! Здоровья Вам, сил, любви и радости жизни!!!!! Пусть ваши желания станут явью!!!!!

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  25. Hallo Helen, ik wachte al op jou en dacht wat neem haar zo in beslag?
    Maar geduld is een schone zaak. En dan nu dit bericht... dat is "even" goed door ademen. Schrikken! Even helemaal de realiteit kwijt zijn en tegenlijker tijd alles heel duidelijk kunnen zien. Net als jij ben ik van mening van gevoel en geloven dat een ziekte een signaal is. Een onbelans tussen ziel, geest en lichaam. Ik heb een melanoom gehad op mijn 23e. Net moeder en in een bijzonder destructieve relatie. Plotseling zag ik alles heel helder en wist ik wat ik te doen had. Ik ben nu 42, gelukkig getrouwd met een geweldige lieve man en samen hebben we nog een kind gekregen. (en samen hebben we mijn eerste kind opgevoed)
    Hou vol Helen! Laat liefde je medicijn zijn. Zoek jou weg, jou leven en laat je "dragen" door je geliefden. Verwarm je ziel en je lichaam zodat de koude uit je botten gaat en adem in "liefde" en adem uit "ik mag er zijn!" Liefdevolle beterschap groeten, Jeanet Vink

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    1. Prachtig gezegd Jeanet ! Dank je wel XXX

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  26. Oh Helen ... you are such a beautiful woman and so extremely talented. My hope for you is that your life continue to be creatively joyful, filled with love, and pain-free. From my heart to yours ...
    Hugs, Sandie

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  27. Hello Hellen!,you are a beautiful woman ,your work is wonderful,you are so talented,love from Mexico.God bless!!!!!

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  28. Dearest Helen...
    I have scrolled through all the messages to you..all the love and support and understanding. I am crying, too, as I feel all the love for you and the love we all can feel for each other. These words (And words are so powerful) will fill you up. Let us all help to push away that cancer with our love till there is no more room for it in your body or your mind. I love you...we love you with everything we have and we are all...ALL in your corner. With all my heart and soul, Your Roberta.

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    1. I thank you my friend, such inspiring words.
      Love,
      Helen

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  29. I cannot find the right words (especially in english) to tell you my feelings. I only say I am with you with all my heart my thoughts and my prayers.

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    1. Marita,Grazie, sei così dolce <3
      Helen XXX

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  30. Courage Helen, we are what we think and you will be guided to do whatever is right for you.

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  31. My Dear Helen,

    I am so glad you shared with all of your friends. As you have found from all the replies, you are very much LOVED! And I also believe that there is power from others that will come to you. We will all circle you with love and strength to carry you through all this. As you know, I believe in everything you have decided to do and support you always. We all walk our own roads and make our own decisions, but what is most important, no matter what you decide to do or not do, is to know you are surrounded by love from all over the world. Never forget that my vriendin.

    Love to you,

    Barby

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    1. My dearest dearest Vriendin, you know how I love you ! Thank you for always being there for me XXX

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  32. Dear Helen,
    first I want to tell you that you are a strong and amazing woman and that I believe that the decisions you make for yourself are the most important ones. I'm so glad that you have shared with friends .Friends are there to support you ,love you and just be with you. You don't have to go through this alone! You are not alone! <3
    I wish you strength and that you powerful mind will win !
    Ganz liebe Gruesse von der anderen Seite des grossen Teichs und sei ganz lieb gedrueckt.
    Sue

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    1. Sue, I regret I haven't write about this before. Your support is so heart warming, thank you
      Helen XXX

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  33. Dear Helen,
    I really really sorry to read about your disease.... but I really admire your strenght!
    I wish you all the best and that you feel much bette. Your decision will be the right one, you know your body as well as no one else can do. It's so important to have a great family and friends like you have.
    I thinking about you and wish you all the strenght, luck and love you need.
    Brita

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    1. Brita, thank you very much <3
      Helen XXXXX

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  34. Liebe Helen,
    Du weißt, dass mein Englisch furchtbar ist, also schreibe ich Dir in deutsch, in der Hoffnung, dass Du das verstehen und gut übersetzen kannst.
    Erst einmal spreche ich Dir großen Respekt aus, Du bist ein wunderbarer Mensch und hast genau das nieder geschrieben, was ich über Krankheiten und gerade auch Krebs denke.
    Du bist sehr mutig, und ich kann Deinen Konflikt zu Deiner inneren Einstellung und zu den Reaktionen von den Menschen aus dem Außen gut verstehen- mir würde es ebenfalls so gehen.
    Aber höre nur auf Dich und Dein Inneres, es sind schließlich Deine Gefühle und Deine Einstellungen, die Dich zu dem Menschen machen, der Du bist.
    Ich bin in Gedanken bei Dir und schicke Dir viel Kraft und Liebe, auf dass Du Deine Seele wieder in Ordnung bringen und gesund werden kannst!
    Mir haben auf meinem eigenen Weg dahin die Bücher von Louise L. Hay geholfen, meine positiven Einstellungen zum Leben zu bestärken und mich vor der Angst aus meinem Umfeld zu schützen.
    Ich glaube an Dich, Du kannst Alles schaffen, was Du Dir wünschst!
    Alles Liebe
    Susanne

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    1. Liebe Susanne,
      Ich schätze es, dass Du die Zeit zum Schreiben nehmen. Du bist so ein süßer Fee :-). Ja, die Symbolik von Krankheiten durch Louise Hay ist ganz gut und Nagel auf den Kopf !
      Danke für die guten Gedanken
      Süße Grüße
      Helen XXX

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  35. Dearest Helen, In the short time I have known you I am proud to call you one of my friends. I too have been dealing with cancer for the last 4 years. I now have absolutely no stomach or spleen but can still eat and enjoy my art. I did follow a very strict regimen of chemo, however, as it was an extremely aggressive tumor. I will keep you in my prayers and send happy thoughts into the universe for you.

    xxx
    Sally
    The other Lemonade Vendor :)

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    1. Sally, Fellow-Vendor ;-), we will support each other !
      Thank you and hugs to you XXXXX

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  36. jeetje.....wat een verhaal, maar ik wens en zend je al mijn positiviteit toe.....zet m op!
    liefs deb

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  37. The Power to heal yourself is one that is highly overlooked. People can perservere through the darkest of times and with determination and love you have far more than a fighting chance. I will continue to think of you in prayers and my thoughts. I think that being a creator gives you a inside advantage because you can visualize and make it happen with your felt and so too with your body. Your brain is an amazing tool use it!
    Bless you and continue to update us as you can.
    Lots of Love,
    Carma (Ohio, USA)

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    1. Wow Carma, very inspiring and positive words! Love it, thank you so much !
      Helen XXXXXX

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    2. You my lady are most welcome!!!

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  38. OMG! We have to talk! There is so much similar that is going on with our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just too weird. I'm sending you all of the healing thoughts and prayers I can muster! You are in my prayers and thoughts. Helen, I am so glad that we have connected through the internet. Hugs, Robin

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    1. Robin, I send you all my love and healing thoughts <3

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  39. Helen, I'm so glad you decided to share! The kids and I are praying for you. I'm going to send an email :)hugs, anita

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  40. Heel veel kracht toegewenst in dit gevecht tegen deze ziekte. Je bent vastberaden om er weer boven op te komen dus dat gaat je zeker lukken.

    Lieve groet Gerda

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    1. Gerda, dank je wel !! Alle positieve reacties zijn me dierbaar !
      Helen XXX

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  41. I wish you all the best and strength and positive thoughts.
    As long as noone can tell, how many people don´t survive the chemo or the cancer, I do also think we should use the power we´ve got to help ourself.
    Seeing all your wonderfull artwork I strongly believe, you got the best basic to fight against whatever makes you feel sick.
    Lots of love and hugs
    Elke

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    1. Thank you so much Elke, hugs to you too !
      Helen XXX

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  42. You are a woman of incredible beauty and talent which you have so willingly shared with the world. My prayers are with you. If anyone can bring healing to the world, you can.
    Mary

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    1. Mary, your words are precious to me, thank you so so much XXXXX

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  43. Dearest Helen, I have not been on 'Blogger' for quite some time so I was shocked and saddened to read this. I'm so glad that you are staying positive and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for as long as it takes to beat this horrible illness, as I'm sure you will! Much love..... Gail & Molly xxx

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    1. Thank you so much Gail. Give Molly a hug from me :-)

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  45. Thinking of you . . . your creative spirit will comfort you!
    You are an inspiration in so many ways.
    Lori Ann

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  46. I have only just seen this, and my mind thinks exactly like yours, must be a Helen thing!
    Stay strong and true to yourself, it is amazing the power love and friendship have.
    You are an inspiration to me and many others, so keep inspiring!
    I have a lot of admiration for you
    Hugs
    Helen xxx

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  47. Helen :-) , thank you so much !
    Heln xxxxx

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  48. I too have just found this post, Helen...and I will stand in faith and prayer that you will find your path of healing!! In a different measure, our family is on the same path...may God's indelible light guide you, dear friend. much love, Rose

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  49. Jeden Tag denk ich an dich beste Helen. I hug you!!!

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  50. Yo también he tenido esta enfermedad. En mi caso, fue de ovarios. Yo si me sometí a la quimio y ahora me encuentro estupendamente, a Dios gracias. Sé de primera mano lo que cuesta asimilarlo y también lo valioso que es el apoyo de los que más nos quieren. No te conozco, de hecho, es la primera vez que veo tu blog, pero deseo de todo corazón que puedas superar esta enfermedad. Besosssss, preciosa.

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  51. I think you are an incredibly brave woman (((hugs))) I also believe that our illness comes from our mind - a very shamanic point of view - but currently suffering with a long term chronic and pain based illness I find it easy to allow myself to be persuaded otherwise & begin to neglect myself all over again - I don't want to 'blame' myself if you know what I mean? I like your reasoning that it is an alarm - and I will do some self-talk in that respect. Brightest Blessings to you - beautiful soul

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  52. Lieve Helen,
    Het spijt me dat ik dit niet eerder heb gezien,wat een schok voor jou en je gezin...je zult nu waarschijnlijk al helemaal in de behandelingen zitten en ik wens je dan ook heel heel veel sterkte en beterschap en kracht toe.
    Je bent een bijzonder mens,altijd al geweest :-) en ik weet zeker dat je dit met je buitengewone gave te lijf zult gaan en ondertussen mensen weet te inspireren met de manier waarop je dit doet.Hele dikke knuffel
    xoxo Dees

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  53. I miss you my sweet dear friend…….love you always…..

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