Apologies and confessions......

First, I have to apologize to all of my readers.
I can imagine you may have questions about my absence and I will explain it .

Well, I've written months ago about the pain in my hip and eventually I did go to the Doctor.
He send me to a physiotherapist, but after 2 months, no improvement, the physiotherapist send me back to the Doc.
I also had a sore breast and well, the Doc put one and one together and send me to hospital for X rays.
After a long day of being send to several hospital departments the Doctor diagnosed me with breast and bone cancer.
He told me there was no cure, not operable, just suppressing the cancer with Chemo.
I said thanks but no thanks to the Doc and went home. 
We ( my family) cried for some days and I began to think of a approach to cure this myself.
I am convinced practically all diseases have their origins in the mind. I know this may sound very harsh to people who are ill but I can't help thinking this and I am like that for all of my life.
I can even tell when this cancer-thing started.
I know I had to do some serious " soul-searching " and...the me that I am...didn't want anybody to know about my illness. When I am ill I'm like an animal, I want to isolate myself until it's gone.
Well, I know now that wasn't the way to handle this, I mean cancer is a serious illness and it involves pain and you can't hide it from your loved ones. I had to let them help me.
One after another came with alternative medicines like exotic fruit and baking soda, and for their sake I swallowed all kind of stuff but I am still convinced I have to do this with my mind, but I understood their concern and especially their fear.
They stand behind my choice nevertheless .
Luckily I have this wonderful man who I can talk to and we cleaned a lot of my garbage together.
And ! Very important ! We are positive ! I don't see this cancer as an evil-doer,malignant,  it's an alarm from my body.
At the moment I feel great, I still  have to walk with crutches but it's getting better and better.
The past months I had sore ribs, the pain travelled from one side from my body to another and I don't know if that's from the crutches or the cancer but I don't want to know.
 I don't want to know any of the symptoms related to this type of cancer.
Because of this painful ribs I couldn't needle felt, sneeze, do the vacuum cleaning :-) but since last week the ribs feel normal again.
In the meanwhile I've told some good friends about it and I could never think of the positive supportive reactions I got ! 
I was afraid that they would try to convince me to take Chemo and would think I'm crazy.
Since I've told my friends, I feel relieved.
I had a hard time feeling a hypocrite when they asked me what was going on and I made excuses.
They are real treasures, these friends.
Another thing I've learned is when you let people get close (  AND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ! I AM A PERSON WHO BELIEVES WE ARE ALL CONNECTED !!! ) you can really physically feel their love !!! although they are on the other side of the world !!
For now, I take one day at the time, live in the here and now, have faith in the ability of my body's self-healing and appreciate and immensely enjoy friendship and the love of my family !

Helen XXX