Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hamsters , Hyacinth and a bit of heartache

Yesterday my daughter went for a vacation to Bali, Indonesia.
She asked me to take care of her little hamster: Benicio, so since Saturday I have a tiny guest.
Sunday she called me and said she misses the little guy already so I decided to make her a little hamster to take with her to Bali.
Last Monday I gave it to her wrapped and in a nice gift box and told her not to open it until she arrives.

Last night my neighbour asked me if I want to help collecting fallen apples from a city-garden behind my house and I told her I'm sorry but I want to stay with the phone in case my daughter calls.
This neighbour woman is the spitting image of Hyacinth, U.K. readers must know her from a show called "keeping up appearances", if she walks trough he neighbourhood you hear people shut their doors and close the curtains.
Well, she asked me why I want to stay with the phone and so I told her, my daughter is going to the other side of the world and we were both a bit nervous.( I thought of it's perfectly normal to feel that)
"Aaaah," she said " why is that? I raised my daughter to be self-confident and secure and she backpacked through the United States without me feeling a bit worried, you have to let your children go" and off she went sticking her nose in the air.
Don't get me wrong, I can get along with her just fine and she often makes me laugh but when she took off I felt a sudden sadness.
I raise(d) my children to feel secure and with self-confidence, so  why did I feel like an over-protecting Mom?
I never was like that, when my daughter left the nest and moved into her own apartment I was happy for her to start her own independent life.
I realized it was since my husband died suddenly 6 years ago, the world collapsed , no security, no certainty everything can change in a minute.
Since then there is always a tiny little voice in the back of my head lurking ; you never think of such a thing to happen to you, other people die but not your husband who appeared to be healthy and who was just 45.
That little voice isn't there all the time and I go through life rather jolly and positive.
But sometimes this ice-cold hand grabs my heart and if someone points you to , what seemed to my neighbours opinion, irrational behaviour, it all gets to the surface.
Well, I had a good night of sleep and thought of how often people are judgemental but also accepting my sometimes irrational fear , I know where it comes from and I can look at it in a rational way.

I'm sure my daughter has a wonderful time in Bali and when she sees the little hamster she goes wild!


  1. The little hamster is so Cute!

  2. Ich bin heute ein wenig in Eile, deshalb schreibe ich gleich in deutsch. Mein Englisch ist ja eher dürftig!
    Der Hamster ist super süß! Ich hatte auch einige Jahre immer wieder Hamster. Vor langer Zeit hatte ich auch einen gefilzten. Vielleicht bekommt er noch einen Nachfolger ;0).

    Sicher wird deine Tochter sehr glücklich sein. In dem kleinen Kerlchen steckt so viel Mutterliebe.
    Sie und ein kleiner Hamster in Bali-großartig.
    Liebste Grüße

  3. Aaah Conni, Danke !
    Liebe Gruß !

  4. If anyone has a reason to question security, it's you! No one has the right to judge you or how you feel.

    I think feeling secure is grand, but sometimes we put too much stock into it. So much so that some of us forget to smell the roses. If we are so secure that tomorrow will come, soon we will put off things that we need to do, expecting to always have "tomorrow" to do them.

    We are not promised tomorrow, and times will come when people we love will fade away. We need to stop feeling so secure and make time to love our families & friends to the fullest, and stop and smell each rose as it comes.

    For those of us who believe in God & Heaven, we can be secure in knowing that we will be reunited with our lost loved ones someday. That kind of security is what we can have with God. This keeps us from going through life in fear, but we never need to forget how much we need Him to get through this life.

    Prayers for your daughter's safe travel. I know she will be thrilled to open her little wool hamster. He is super cute! May her happiness reach across the miles and fill you with joy.


  5. Carolyn, thank you for these heart warming comforting words and your prayers, and yes this is what I learned, love the ones around you and smell each rose you'll come across.

  6. Dear Helen,
    My daughter is leaving for college tomorrow. And even though I raised her to be self confident and secure I am worried. And I will wait by the phone too if she plans to call me. It is called loving your children and being a mother. If you were an overprotecting mom you would have told her not to go. Please don't feel bad for being the good mother that you are.

  7. Joanne you are so sweet,thank you

  8. A wonderful little hamster, so lifelike and cute!

    Wish I would still have a mother worrying about me. I think still feeling protected by their parents is very importent for adolescents and gives them security. Insn't that what family is for?

  9. Oh Ellis I'm so sorry for you, and you are so right about family.

  10. And Ellis, I'm glad to see you are back !

  11. Awww Helen your hamster is just precious! Ginny will love her wool hamster too! You are such a wonderful mother and your children are so very fortunate to have you for a mom. You have been thru much in life for such a young woman and you handled it with grace. Arthur and Ginny adore you...this I know!

  12. Thank you my dear Barby,

  13. Ah dear Helen....
    Everyone has already commented so beautifully but I think your neighbor maight be a bit jealous. She probably wishes she could be inside, waiting for a reassuring call from her own daughter (Who may be way too independent to care about her Mom.) And of course you have these could you not experience the loss of your husband and be uneffected? There are creatures in the Harry Potter books, called "Thestrals". You can only see them if someone you have loved has died. I don't think your neighbor can see the Thestrals..or she refuses to see them. You, my dear, can see them. You have been through a huge change. I feel sorry for your neighbor. I love your Hamster and your daughter will too! What a loving, special relationship you have!

  14. April, thank you so much! I feel this neighbour woman has her own issues so I feel sorry for her too

  15. Dear Helen...My children are 29 and 30 and although our 30 year old daughter lives with us, I hear from them EVERY day. My son always calls me when he arrives home after visiting...I find that to be what loving and considerate family members do.
    I am especially protective about our daughter because she was in a serious car accident at the age of 18.
    I do believe once something "bad" happens, our defenses are always up more than before, you alluded to...the innocence is gone.
    You are not all that far away from the tragic loss of your husband and it really does sound like you are healing~~~
    Your daughter is going to be so excited to get that hamster! Lucky girl...

  16. Dear Helen,

    Nothing at all irrational in how you feel toward your daughter being half way around the world. Such a fortunate child to have such a loving and caring Mother.

    You understand what it means to lose someone dear, and how your life can change in an instant. You know not to take your dear one's for granted. You are an exceptional woman, and I admire you greatly.

    Take care,


  17. Vicki, Beth, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heart warming words.
    I want to thank all of you again, the internet is such a wonderful thing.
    I feel grateful to have met lovely, inspiring people such as you all.
    Of course I have family and they are dear to me but you often know what they will say in difficult times to help you and that is why it so wonderful and amazing to hear from people you never met in real but to whom you feel connected.

  18. Your hamster is very sweet. Your neighbor is not. I'd be worried, too and waiting by the phone. That's what moms do.

  19. Hahaha Robin you are so right to the point :-)

  20. That's what dial-up and poor typing skills have done for me. Lol

  21. I saw your Owls on Barby Anderson blog...and I fell in love with them!!!
    are so beautiful!
    congratulations for all your beautiful creatures!!

  22. This is a really good post, Helen. We can never know what another person is dealing with or why they act the way they do. Now if we can only find out why "Hyacinth" does what she does! :-)

  23. Thank you Jennifer and yes I don't think she is a natural nasty :-)